Something Forgotten...

(A short story by © Jonathan Dilas)

There was a short clicking and the radio clock started. I sat up and propped my head on both hands. A sidelong glance to the digital display of the clock told me that it was very early in the morning, yet. Unsure, I looked around. The situation remembered me of a man, who went to work early every morning. But I knew that I was not this man, who sat there on the edge of the bed and tried to get rid of his leaden tiredness. Through my fingers I saw that I had apparently slept in my clothes, I even had still put on my shoes.

I got up and went into the middle of the room. On my left side there was a large table, next to it I saw a wardrobe. My look turned to the window. It still seemed to be dark outside. When I looked at the door, a threatening feeling creeped up on me, followed by strange thoughts: Where have I just been? I have not been here before! Thinking hard, I tried to recall the last night and the time before getting up... I could not do it! Even odder, I could not remember a single moment of my life. At once, I thought that I had lost my memory, maybe by an accident or by something of that kind, but my feeling told me that it was not true. I looked at my hands and then down my body, but I could not recall anything.

Slowly, I turned round and searched for the door of the bathroom. But not even from my mirror image I could see anything. I was a man, maybe 1.80 or 1.85 metres tall with brown hair and dark eyes. I was slim and made a healthy and athletic impression.

At the very moment I turned away from the mirror, I heard a voice:

»Robert, are you crazy?«

This call caused a hot flood of blood that suddenly rushed through my body.

Trembling, I stumbled back to the bed and sat down on the edge. What has that been? I only thought and looked around insecure. There was no other person in this room, I was sure about that, and it could not have been a voice from the adjoining room, for it had made the impression of being very close to my left ear. Without thinking any further I ran to the door and opened it. The door shut behind me and now I stood in a dark hallway. Groping, I searched for the light switch. When I found it, I pressed it, but the light failed to come. I tried it another time, but it did not work. Therefore, I went slowly through the hallway and when my eyes got used to the darkness, I could easily go outwards.

In the street, I saw some parked cars, street lights and houses. The asphalt still shone with wetness, it seemed to have rained. When I was some steps away from the house, I turned round, in order to look at it. It was built of red bricks and had a dark roof. Approximately ten different tenants lived here.

»Surely, you don’t think, you have to go to work now?« I heard a voice and immediately I turned round. Still totally shocked I saw a gaunt man with a bald head. Relieved, I took a deep breath, because I had supposed, it had again been this voice from nowhere.

»I... I don’t know«, I answered and began to wonder about his question.

»Come on, I show you around, a bit», the stranger said and was about to go.

»Wait, please,...where do you want to go?«

»Have some beer, of course, what else?«

I wondered, because according to my information it was very early in the morning and I could not imagine that a pub was opened at such a time. Moreover, I asked myself, whether this man might know me, because he had simply been on first-name terms with me, but I felt too stupid to ask for it. At least, I was not sure, whether it was advisable to tell him about my strange experience. Yet, I decided to ask him some questions, as soon as we would arrive at the place, where he wanted to go with me. Determined, he walked towards a dark house. I could not imagine that one could have a beer there, because the house laid in total darkness, one did not see any neon lights, which told the restaurant’s name. There was not even a light within one of the windows. Nevertheless, he opened the door with his shoulder, and with a nod of his head he gave me to understand that I should follow him. In the meantime, I had become suspicious, what, if he was up to anything evil? How should I know, who was friend or foe here?! But somehow I could not but follow him. We sat on a table and he ordered two beers at the waitress. Slowly I looked around, but there was nothing suspicious. It was a quite normal bar.

»How is it that this bar is opened at such an early time?« I asked him now.

»That’s as usual. It was originally meant for people coming from a disco«, he told me and then he bent a bit forward and blinked with an eye:

»You know, when they have fixed something for the night, they come here to have a coffee until they have decided, whether they go to heal explanation«. But still I felt the urge to ask him questions. Something within me seemed to goad me on and it demands of me to open wide eyes and ears.

»And why is it so dark around here?«

It actually was very dark in this pub, some dimmed light from nowhere seemed to lighten up the room, but I could not see, where it came from.

»I know an old trick to control your poor eyesight.« Obviously, he thought I had trouble with my eyes.

»You have to close you eyes and hold your breath. Then you have to turn your eyes clockwise and count to ten. If you open your eyes again, then, you’ll see quite normal.«

I laughed, somehow I felt like he was pulling my leg.

»Don´t laugh«, he said, »do it!«

Well, I thought, I would do him the favour. I closed my eyes, and when I had practised his advice and opened my eyes again, I got a shock, for the light was quite normal now! It was as sitting in a pub. Furthermore, there was a candle in front of us and I could have sworn that it had not been there before.

»The candle...has it been there before, as well?«

He looked at me, shaking his head: »You really drank your head off last night, didn’t you?«

This possibility I had not considered, yet. That was it. Apparently, I went out last night and got blind drunk. I had often heard that one could have a blackout afterwards. Sometimes, those blackouts could last a whole day. Relieved, I leant back. That was it. I had been blind drunk. So I did not have to bother anymore, because an alcohol caused blackout would vanish soon. But then I remembered this voice in the bathroom. Did I just imagine that? Was that possible after drinking much? There are even people who had seen white mice, as the saying goes.

»You know, recently, my wife could not sleep. So she swallowed five sleeping pills. Afterwards, she just didn’t wake up again. Only in the late afternoon, she got up and did not even know her name. She asked me constantly, what her name was and she thought that I was not her husband. Something like that can happen. You remember me of her, now. I don’t know, why, but right at the moment you look like her.«

»And does she feel better, by now?« I asked.

»Naturally! Already a few hours later, she remembered everything. Whether she would have liked to stay in that state of having forgotten everything, that I cannot say, of course. That´ll remain her secret.«» he giggled. »By the way, what is your... your name?«

»Oh, oh«, he called out and laughed, »that’s something.

»It’s me - Tom.«

»And, if I may ask, what is my name?«

After he had finished laughing, he told me that I was called Frank. Then I remembered the scene in the bathroom.

Who the hell was Robert, then?! I thought.

Suddenly, I realised that there was something fishy going on. On the one hand I had some strange experiences, and on the other hand I had very logical explanations for them. But I felt that something with this place and with my identity was wrong. I knew, a name was not the same as an identity, but that it all depends on the feeling of identity. Anyhow, I wanted to know by now, where I was and who I was.

»Now he starts brooding!« Tom said and continued laughing. Then he raised his hand, in order to beckon the waitress. In the next moment, he looked at me and said that I was right in supposing that personal identity was independent of a name. Instantly, I jumped up! His remark had startled me deeply, at least, he had expressed one of my thoughts.

»I think, I would like to go now.«» I replied stammering.

»You can’t go! Where do you want to go?«

»Back home again... maybe my blackout will weaken, if I sleep a little.«

»Do, what you think you have to... but if I were you, I would stay. Isn’t it nice here?

Drink your beer and watch everything!«

»What is here to be seen?« I said, lost in thought.

»Just look around!«

I looked around, but I could not discover anything remarkable.

»Look under the table!« he suggested.

I sat down again, lifted the tablecloth, bent down a bit and looked under the table... he had no legs!« Now nothing mattered anymore. I jumped up and left the bar. In the street I stopped for a moment in order to orientated myself and then, I ran into the direction of my flat. Behind me, I still heard Tom shout, but because of my excitement I could not understand him.

After some hundred metres, I stopped and glanced around. Tom was out of sight. Then I walked further slowly and felt, how sadness creeped into my mind. Never before I had felt so alone. Again and again, I looked up, hoping to see soon the red house made of bricks. I really wanted to lay down now and sleep a while. Maybe everything had been a nightmare and when I would wake up again, I could remember everything for sure.

When I was in the hallway, I pressed the light switch. I had forgotten that it did not work. Thus, I closed my eyes, hold my breath, turned my eyes clockwise and opened them again. Now I could see like a cat in the dark. Clearly I saw every single step. A short time later, I was again in »my« flat. I still thought about those strange incidents...

Who was Robert? Who were Frank and Tom? Where was I here? Has this always been my life?

Outwards, the sun slowly rose. The new light started to illuminate the room and the outlines of the body in my bed became more and more visible... I knew now that I had never got up, because I was already dead for a long time.